tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-229802692024-03-07T03:19:25.995-06:00Fat Jack's Erratic RantsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1089125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-86791172691291298972012-06-22T17:23:00.001-05:002012-06-22T17:27:33.994-05:00GOOD INTENTIONS, A FLAG, AND A KICK TO THE BALLS<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsBt8eNDT4aNhd9xYROjyAlsZVGrgZ4IBa3smO-dY5rScTeoKXxG5ZtvKzjEYh77JRKCHu7UzaelX5D7Fq46wyOunEXxfNW3bNvXiq1rIBIW4M3wkLa86ZYLrlgbKHvrWXBCZG/s1600/white_flag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsBt8eNDT4aNhd9xYROjyAlsZVGrgZ4IBa3smO-dY5rScTeoKXxG5ZtvKzjEYh77JRKCHu7UzaelX5D7Fq46wyOunEXxfNW3bNvXiq1rIBIW4M3wkLa86ZYLrlgbKHvrWXBCZG/s320/white_flag.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes
asking for help gets you nothing but more heartache. I’ve been flying my white
flag for a few weeks now. Somehow I got myself into a game where white towels
thrown into the ring are just thrown back. I keep looking for a referee. I’ve
tried like hell to just walk out of bounds, but it’s like I’m inside some kind
of indoor soccer hell where there are no out of bounds lines. Just walls ––
thick concrete walls covered in a shiny pearlescent white that smells of
hospital and iodine. But there ain’t no healing going on, at least not round
these parts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">My
day of helping others –– rather than doing my own work, which is heaping up in
a mound of muck and mire –– got me yelled at for doing what I was asked in the
first place, followed up later with a nice kick to the balls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">My
entire world is leaning on me right now. I understand and most of the time I
just do what my mother says: “suck it up and move on”. But sometimes it can be
a bit much. A bit. A smidge. A dump truck. Did I type that out loud? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
I spent the entire day on someone else's work. When finished I headed to my place of employment to do the job I've been asked to do there. Something for me. Alas, the workday took too long and the doors were locked. Now I get to think about all that work I can't do all weekend. Yeah me.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I made my last stop today. I asked,
ever so nicely, this one person who depends entirely upon me for nearly everything
now, if she could, just possibly, maybe, ask this one other person for some
assistance. Just this once. The response was curt and quick:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">“Oh
I can’t ask him for help. He works long, hard hours.”</span></blockquote>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Gee-Zuss!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">It’s
entirely possible I won’t answer the phone anymore. In fact, I very much mean
not to. Every time I do it doesn’t bode well for my family or me. Email and
texting is much easier to ignore or put on hold. Not responding is like saying
no without all the arguments and guilt and insistence and guilt. If I can’t get
help, then I may just have to not be around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I
don’t know who I think I’m kidding. I’m not good at crap like that. I can’t
shake the guilt that someone really needs help and I’m ignoring them. I was
raised to never turn your back on family and friends. When people need you, you
must be there. But a fella can dream, can’t he?</span><o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-33882954593889598882012-06-21T10:03:00.004-05:002012-06-21T10:03:31.777-05:00THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I am
a <a href="http://www.possibilian.com/">possibilian</a>. Grammatically, that
should be an uppercase “P” but somehow the very idea of the capitalization
brings back the memories of dogma and black-and-white of ideology. I am a
possibilian with a lowercase “p”. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdfkdVmmLeA">Damn your eyes</a>.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
For some, I am a church-hater and God-basher, an atheist with a bent on ridding
the world of church and religion and anything related to goodness. An
abortion-loving, commie rising, baby eater, mayhaps. I am none of those things,
mind you, but perception is a funny thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I am
a Christian reject, a throw-away from grace; I am Satan’s cabana boy. I spent
my life among the Christian faithful. I’ve prayed. I’ve volunteered. I’ve
worked on mission trips. I’ve defended the gospel to heathens. I’ve read the
Bible and studied. I did what I could as often as I could. Deep down inside I
never believed. That’s not entirely true, actually. In my kid and early teen
years I believed with my heart and soul. I prayed twice a day –– mostly for the
salvation of my soul and to stop my sinning –– and was a good church boy. I
really tried hard, especially in my youth until I hit my late teen years. My
sin didn’t stop and my prayers were never answered. It wasn’t long until I
stopped praying. It was so confusing. I felt, to use a religious analogy, like
the lone, silent human in a crowd of people talking and dancing in tongues.
Everyone else got it and felt it and knew it. It seemed there were all crying
and shaking and understanding and the metaphorical speaking of tonuges never
happened to me. Of course, I internalized all of that, thinking the issue was
me. And so I tried harder. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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It wasn’t until I was an adult that I let go of my fear. Fear, you see, is what
kept me going. A good Dad, I took my family to church and we taught the kid to
pray to a thing I didn’t believe in or pray to myself. I bowed my head, but I
just thought about things and waited the silence out. But I kept it going
because I was a good boy or at least I was damned-well going to try to be.
After I released my fear I understood I could no longer fake it. I couldn’t go
to church and pretend to believe in a myth. I was being a big fat fake and I
could not abide it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I
left. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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My first inkling was to lie to my kid and tell her I still believed. My reason
for doing so was to save her soul … save it from a thing I didn’t believe in. The
dogma and fear, you see, was deeply entrenched. I didn’t lie. I told her the
truth, my truth anyway. We changed churches. I didn’t even want to go to
church, but my wife felt a foundation in something was important. So we went to
the Unitarian Universalist church on a whim and discovered all kinds of people
who believe in all kinds of things. The unifying themes being: a rejection of
dogma and a strong belief in the need for social justice for all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I am
a possibilian. That is to say, I don’t accept church dogma but neither do I accept
the certainty of atheism. I believe there are many possibilities and things we
do not understand or conceive. Is there a divine being or many divine beings? I
don’t know; it’s possible. The evidence and my life experience tell me that the
dogma of the churches are deeply flawed and misguided and false, but that does
not mean there are not life-beings beyond our understanding. It also doesn’t
mean there are. Aliens? Possibly. No alien life forms in the universe?
Possibly. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namazu_(Japanese_mythology)">Great
catfish under the earth creating earthquakes</a>. Uh, no. Science tells me
otherwise. Spirits or ghosts? Possibly. We can’t yet determine for sure, can
we? I don’t believe in everything. I just believe in the possibility of things
that have not otherwise been ruled out by science and experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
Despite the fact that I don’t believe in the God of Abraham as described in the
Christian bible, Islam or Judiasm, does not mean that I give up my right or
interest in those entities. Religions, whether I believe in the ideology or
not, drive our worldwide culture. Churches influence every aspect of our lives
from politics to education to war, economics and health care. Religion
permeates our daily lives. Furthermore, I find religion as interesting from a
literary perspective as I find Greek mythology. It is something I spent years
of my life exploring. Since the beginning of this blog, I have talked about
religion –– Christianity specifically –– questioning dogma, criticizing
policies and voicing a point of view that sought to make religion better. <br />
<br />
I have criticized the public portrayals of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">good
Christianship</i> and pointed out how such public displays of overweening
prayer, like Tim Tebow, is rebuked on the Bible. I was harshly attacked for
that. I have questioned how the flagship AG church can spend thousands of
dollars on a 4<sup>th</sup> of July fireworks display rather than using that
money for those featured in the Beattitudes. I have questioned strongly how
Christian churches can attack gays, making laws against them, while accepting
people who have divorced and re-married openly in the church, even allowing
those people to be leaders and governors of the church. Christ said nothing of
homosexuals but he did specifically abominate divorce and remarriage as a sin.
All of these things, and more, I openly discussed when I was a Christian and
continue to do after I left the church.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
When I was a Christian, these views were met with discussion. Most of the time,
it was civil, sometimes heated, discussion and disagreement, but almost always
civil. Once I left the church, the same discussions have been met with
hostility, sarcasm, name-calling, absent friends, and questions about why I
care. I care because I am human and I care about my world and my community. I
care because I believe in good and right and justice and love. I care for the
right reasons, but I should not have to defend why I care. My arguments,
whether one agrees or not, are valid, are based on biblical scripture. It
doesn’t matter if I believe in that scripture or not. I am no longer shackled
to the precepts of the Bible. Christians are and so is the church. It serves us
all to have our views, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, policies, procedures and
philosophies challenged. After all, how are any of us supposed to change if
someone does not challenge us? People would still be paying the church for
absolution if it weren’t for Luther. Women would not be able to vote if it
weren’t for questions. African Americans would still drink from colored water
fountains if it weren’t for MLK, Jr. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
Oh look. He thinks he’s Martin Luther. Don’t be an asshole. I think nothing of
the kind. I am, myself, a tiny little man in a big body with no power. But I do
have a big voice, passion, and a desire to good with my time and energy. I may
make people mad by challenging their beliefs. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m an
asshole and I question every goddamned thing in my life. I always have. I spend
as much time inspecting my own soul as I do the dogma outside me. I constantly
evaluate my beliefs, tear down preconceptions and bigotry and work toward being
better. I’m still an asshole. I don’t look for that to change but I do try to
make myself better as well as the world around me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
My first college class –– 8 am freshman creative writing –– the professor sat
his things on the desk and wrote on the chalkboard: “Everything Matters!” Why
do I care? Why do I question? Why do I challenge your beliefs as well as seek
out those who intelligently question mine? Because. Everything Matters.
Everything.</span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-16151748782065898652012-06-18T21:27:00.002-05:002012-06-18T21:27:30.230-05:00The Bride and her Pride-Wagon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXoy7GidK845ZFDvd1kNTumpHkCdi_KQWbKIAXyV5A-Ijxz7A_bNQ_YqSLMFbtoyvIpZ5xiv6E9Yxho168SF7oRRiy5lYWtDeuAn3udMxQr6DsubrllQcbvnYhkyChfVz9k51J/s1600/Pussy+Wagon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXoy7GidK845ZFDvd1kNTumpHkCdi_KQWbKIAXyV5A-Ijxz7A_bNQ_YqSLMFbtoyvIpZ5xiv6E9Yxho168SF7oRRiy5lYWtDeuAn3udMxQr6DsubrllQcbvnYhkyChfVz9k51J/s400/Pussy+Wagon.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Quentin Tarantino is in my opinion -- an opinion which is rarely humble and I'm told quite self-righteous at times –– the greatest film maker of my generation. His brilliance is lost because he is misunderstood and brilliant beyond his time. </div>
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<br /></div>
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The Pussy Wagon scene came to me while reading the Red Devil today, hit me like a rotten-toothed orderly having his way with my limp comatose body. At some point The Bride bit his face off, stole his keys and drug her own limp-legged body through the halls, down the elevator and into the parking lot where the Pussy Wagon awaited. She got in, she moved, she got up, she got on. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Now that's where the metaphor falls apart. I'm not interested in revenge and have no one to excise it on even if I was. But I do have some anger that needs displacement along with pent-up frustration and a serious amount of weighty masses hanging around the shoulders. Knife fights with the Black Mamba need not occur. I'm perfectly fine with a motorcycle ride, some time to write, a few books, D&D, time with friends, time with Cub and the spouse, and some yard work to get it out all healthy like. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo1iMJ_l3uICwDhHqp7HCt3Hxi5WdER9ZR84vlE-q0B3tv07xt7gxPUntUDFa9OT8Su1IORqU2KSX1HX1-YoB2IvsgTF875JkqjiCp79DVCGcYAHu7JQ8rBrtXh9p92ENqArJM/s1600/pussy_wagon.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo1iMJ_l3uICwDhHqp7HCt3Hxi5WdER9ZR84vlE-q0B3tv07xt7gxPUntUDFa9OT8Su1IORqU2KSX1HX1-YoB2IvsgTF875JkqjiCp79DVCGcYAHu7JQ8rBrtXh9p92ENqArJM/s320/pussy_wagon.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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But first I have to get into my own Pussy Wagon and drive that damn thing off into the sunset. If I can just find the orderly and get his keys from him. He and I may have cuswords-cuswords but I'm hoping that's all. </div>
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-48045260299802678432012-06-14T17:32:00.001-05:002012-06-14T17:32:44.925-05:00SOMETIMES A BOY JUST NEEDS HIS MOM<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1-mA6RPed37AFMAdrN2Vu5fXqgNQ8MgMBLZI0Mo7k9YGHdOW4irHmm9WHF1cEXTucwODjuE42S0yTAI6JGRXEzZyKrKyz0a6BnYuz9tDb2tTfTmnC1wTDTtxK61WDFAC_0Z0B/s1600/I'm+fine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1-mA6RPed37AFMAdrN2Vu5fXqgNQ8MgMBLZI0Mo7k9YGHdOW4irHmm9WHF1cEXTucwODjuE42S0yTAI6JGRXEzZyKrKyz0a6BnYuz9tDb2tTfTmnC1wTDTtxK61WDFAC_0Z0B/s320/I'm+fine.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I’ve
cried thrice in the last month. That's three times. I don’t think I’ve ever done such a
thing my entire adult life. Between one destination and an intended other, I
woke to find myself 38 miles away from the city, pulling into my parent’s
driveway, sobbing and wanting nothing more than my mom.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I
want so bad to say I have no idea what is wrong with me. But that is a lie. I
know exactly what’s wrong. If it weren’t for <a href="http://actyouroldage.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">one red devil</a> and his constantly
blathering about his own pile of hot steaming life, I doubt I would say a
thing. He’s a badass you see. A badass with a mask, whose life is unraveling.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I
get that.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I am
a goddamned pillar of badassery. I play that part and have deep nasty scars to
prove it. Like the red one, I have a mask, too. My mask is a wicked skull with
flames and crossbones and shit like that. On the front of it are three words in
classic tattoo lettering: “I am fine.” I like that mask. It works for me and
gets me through the good times, tough times and scary times. I have suddenly found
myself in a place where I am not fine. I’m not fine at all, but no one really
knows that. How could they? I’m a pillar remember? Well, that is until the last
couple of weeks. And now. I don’t know what I am. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I have few boundaries. If I want to know something, I ask. I say embarrassing
things and shocking things and even uncomfortable things. I have no problems
asking hard questions or saying hard things and pressing for the deep dark
secrets until we dig deep enough to hit the release valve … of others. Me, I’m
not so much on sharing this depth. Even I have my limits or so I thought. No
limits. Not today. Not right now. Not anymore, it seems. My mask fell off and
I’m trying like hell to glue it together. I have staples, nails, brads. Shit, I
even have the blessed Arkansas chrome, but it seems that even duct tape won’t
fix my mask and that means it won’t fix me.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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To
whit, I am a babbling, blathering, crybaby and I can’t seem to stop the
waterworks. There’s no crying in baseball, but apparently there are tears in
life whether I want them or not. I choose not, but I am not in the charge of
the choosing. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“That’s
it. I can’t take any more.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
told my wife this very statement a couple of weeks ago. I have endured my
father battling cancer, my mom having what we thought was septic arthritis
(life threatening) followed by emergency surgery and another dear love with a
mysterious cancer surgery. It all ended with my wife having serious but quite
treatable emergency gallbladder surgery. Like everyone, we have bills we can’t
pay and a new hospital one on the way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
Individually, these would have been nothing more than steams of droplets off
the metaphorical duck’s back, but they all happened together and the support
team I rely upon during tough times were all fighting their own battles and
that left me feeling alone, fighting dragons and demons and crazy all by my
lonesome. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It
wasn’t until it was all over that I recognized I didn’t sleep, had only 1 or
maybe 2 meals a day and was in charge of taking care of everyone around me.
That wasn’t the root of the problem. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The
demands of these people and those who depend on them fell to me and it all
became too great a burden. The worse part was I recognized, for the first time,
how lonely I would be without my parents, my wife, my kid, any of them, all of
them in my life. I was not ready for these people to die. They weren’t dying
anymore; everyone was in the clear path to recovery. It wasn’t until it was
over I felt anything about any of it. When I did, it was an unstoppable brick
shit house on the run.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
No.
Freaking. More. Thank you very much. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br />
I’m still having tremors, nasty little aftershocks of fear and burden that
crack me. Not the gelatinous puddle cracks that I had a week or so ago, but
enough to make my arms tingle and my chest feel hot and my emotions to be sensitive
and blustery. Give it time, I guess.<o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-1719066779520380542012-06-14T16:49:00.001-05:002012-06-14T17:38:24.915-05:00A REST AT THE CROSSROADS<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">It
was just a few weeks ago when I was sitting on a fallen log at a crossroads along
a county dirt road. The sun was hot –– real goddamned hot –– sizzling my skin
like bacon in a cast iron skillet even through my too-thin white cotton shirt.
I’d been walking a long time trying to figure out how I was going to make it to
the little store less than a mile down the road and, once there, how I was
going to pay for a cool drink of water. My pockets were pretty empty. My feet
hurt from standing and walking for what I think was several hours. My arms were
tingling and my chest was oddly stretched like those wedges they put in shoes
to stretch the toes out and give your piggies more wiggle room. I just couldn’t
do it, walk another step. I was too tired and hungry and covered in silt to
walk another step. I saw the log on the side of the road and plopped down. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t really know how long I sat there as I dozed in and out of a wafer-thin
sleep breathing in dust that still makes me cough sometimes. I need to get that
looked at. A thin man eventually came walking by for his daily stroll. It took
effort for him to walk but he managed well enough. The <a href="http://actyouroldage.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">red-haired man </a>looked
tired, too, and burned. More than me.</span><br />
<br />
I
invited him to sit next to me for a little while. He couldn’t stay long. He had
to go West; I was heading North to take the Black, or what seemed like my
version of it, anyway. He never said where he was heading but I got the impression
he had an idea for a destination but not a specific destination in mind. He
turned his head toward me ever so slightly and told me his story, all the while
twisting a bobby pin in his hand. It was sad, or rather he was sad. Sadder than
I by a long shot with good reason to be.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">He was sick but recovering slowly. Some recoveries are not miraculous or speedy
or even full and the tremor in his voice made me think he was hoping but was
terrified of the non-recovery. It was something he said –– more offhand than
anything –– that resonated with me. He lost friends, people he thought were
golden ended up leaving him when the shit piled on and world got real slow. </span><br />
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span">He was talking my language because I am
experiencing the same. Not all friends are, indeed, real friends who are there
when you need them or even when they promise to be. He winced as he mentioned
those people in the midst of the bigger story and I could tell it injured him.
Injured him so deeply, in fact, I think any more mention of it would have
overcome him. He played it well, kept his hat on and his face shaded fro the
sun, and me, and moved on. But I saw it, the twinge of soul that was crushed. </span> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to say. I just sat and
listened and shook his hand as he left, thanking him for the company. It meant
a lot. I’ve been hurt, too. Not like him in the recovery sense, but definitely
in the friend sense. It’s only getting worse, the wound deepening every day
with nothing but a cavalier mention and words. Lots of empty, action-less
words. I don’t know how to fix it and I’m not convinced everyone wants to. I’d
ask <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azZr1cSu9-4&feature=endscreen" target="_blank">Kenny Rogers</a> but I’m not sure I’m ready for his answer. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-1198966993375226512010-09-19T14:34:00.000-05:002010-09-19T14:34:20.257-05:00SPEAK TO ME<div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I don’t think he’s a bad guy –– Dr. Wesley Scroggins –– when he advocates for the banning of books in Republic High School’s library and language arts curriculum, and his objections to teaching children about their bodies. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">He’s simply another member of a small but vocal Christian conservative movement who is given too large a podium and too much credence for the insignificant minority his represents. Fundamentalism makes for headlines and controversies and dollars but it does not represent the average viewpoint. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I think Dr. Scroggins’ biggest problem is his perspective. The blinders of some factions of Christian conservatism and the ivory tower of academia can hide the real world from those with good but misguided intentions. He does not mean harm. In fact, I suspect Dr. Scroggins means to do good by trying to ban what he considers obscene from all persons, despite what might be in their very best interests. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">For context, read <a href="http://www.news-leader.com/article/20100918/OPINIONS02/9180307/Scroggins-Filthy-books-demeaning-to-Republic-education">Dr. Scroggins’ opinion in the Springfield News-Leader</a> (which is only available for seven days because the News-Leader fails miserably as a news organization. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">As an educator, I see everyday the words, deeds and thoughts of youth. My perspective is based on my real life experiences with young children, tweens and teens. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>Fourth Grade Sex Education </b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Dr. Scroggins was aghast to discover that students in fourth grade are taught about reproduction. Students (pre-puberty and older) are not only aware of sexual intercourse and other sex acts, but some are actively engaging in the practice. This includes fourth graders. The reasons are varied but here are a few reasons that kids engage in various sex acts: </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><ul><li>Sexual abuse </li>
<li>Peer pressure from older siblings or friends </li>
<li>Need to feel like and act like an adult brought on by a need for control </li>
<li>Early puberty </li>
<li>Curiosity </li>
</ul><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">It is the intention of educators, many of whom in this area are Christian, is to educate children so they make good decisions. What we want from our fourth graders is for them not to have sex or engage in sex acts. Teachers, understanding students behaviors first hand, know this cannot be the only approach because children do, much to our chagrin, have sex or sex-like activities. Our goal is to educate students so if they choose to engage in sexual activity, they can at least do so to avoid pregnancy and diseases. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">A decade ago, I read an article in a magazine for Christian youth minsters about the increase of oral and anal sex among middle school Christians. The kids, you see, felt that because they had not had traditional sexual intercourse, they were not having “sex”. They were just goofing around. No one could get pregnant, therefore the parents would not find out. They were free to do what they wished. Since that time, the idea of indiscriminate oral or anal sex has only increased among our youth. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">One is unaware of such trends, even among Christian youth, unless they work directly with real-world children in real-world settings. Kids do not talk about such things are church. These are very real issues facing kids. For those with harsh criticisms of kids and their feelings will not be privy to real conversations even if they associate with teens. Kids are smart and can detect judgmental adults. They will avoid real talk with those adults at all costs. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>Middle School Sex Education </b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Dr. Scroggins is quite upset over the fact that high school sexuality discussions include: homosexuality, sexual intercourse, sex acts and prevention. I am not privy to Republic’s sex education curricula so I cannot adequately discuss the accuracy of his statements as to what is and is not taught. However, the editors noted that the school district’s primary focus is on abstinence. I can speak about schools in a general sense. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">As state above, educators understand the real world of teens and act accordingly. It should not come as a surprise to Dr. Scroggins or anyone else that middle school and high school students are trying to come to grips with their own sexuality (straight, gay, transgendered). Teens are well aware of homosexuality and the discussion is nothing new to them. If this is a surprise to adults, then those adults are grossly out of touch with kids and teens. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">When my wife worked at a mental health facility, she encountered a young, sexually active teen. The girl did not have the information she needed to make good choices. While we would hope she would choose to be abstinent, she disagreed. However, she tried to take steps to protect herself. Unfortunately, the teen was not adequately educated due in large part to people like Dr. Scroggins. The teen mistaken used grape jelly in the place of contraceptive jelly and her body had serious medical complications. If children and teens are taught appropriately, then they can make safer decisions even if they are not the decisions we would wish for them to take. Dr. Scroggins must be aware that even devout Christian teens sometimes have sex; use drugs, alcohol and tobacco; and use profanity. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>Book Banning </b></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Dr. Scroggins is on a crusade to ban books he deems inappropriate for high schoolers based on the language use or subject material. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Slaughterhouse-Five-Novel-Kurt-Vonnegut/dp/0385333846/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1284924814&sr=8-1"><i>Slaughterhouse Five</i></a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Boy-Summer-Sarah-Ockler/dp/0316051586/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1284924783&sr=8-1"><i>Twenty Boy Summer</i></a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Speak-Anniversary-Laurie-Halse-Anderson/dp/0142414735/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1284924737&sr=8-1"><i>Speak</i></a> are three he wants banned. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Christian, atheist, Muslim, Buddhist or undefined persons have all heard the f-bomb. It is not a new word and it is not outside the common lexicon of teens of any faith. The fact is, its exposure is not uncommon among tweens and children let alone it’s use. I have heard the female c-bomb screamed loudly in elementary. Tenured elementary teachers and principals are not at all shocked to hear a 7-year-old use such words, although we deal with it appropriately. It is sad, I agree, but not unusual or shocking. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">As for his objections of the mention of the rape of a character as pornography, I can only shudder at his thoughts that rape be seen as sexually gratifying to anyone. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The fact is, too many students are disconnected from literature and reading because much of the canon does not engage them, connect with them, or resonate with them. Books that deal with human atrocities, while scary, powerful and emotional, are a part of our daily news cycle and life in general. We cannot, despite our good intentions, shelter teenagers from the world if we want to prepare them to work and live independently in the world. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Rape of teens and rape by teens occurs more often than I think Dr. Scroggins is aware. Real world teachers, juvenile officers, social workers, therapists and physicians are aware of the great harm that teens undergo at the hands of adults and other teens. Teens are also aware. It is of utmost importance to teach our young adults how to appropriately deal with and address the world around us. Literature is a safe way to engage students, teach students and cultivate empathy and ethics. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">To that point, I offer this video by Laurie Halse Anderson, author of Speak. In it she reads a poem that uses the real words of teens who have been uplifted and helped by her book. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
<object height="325" width="420"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ic1c_MaAMOI?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ic1c_MaAMOI?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="420" height="325"></embed></object></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7pdUHcGFJZYXii4foI9KuPtH9yAaxnOjRpU6n-nAhlOz2Ps9W8W8Az3s-WOa9QoseNO9hdjU7zQOuFWUAO7YHG7BXkjqLG9I1GK54GResXIsf31qilat0w0BumtD0VqJoLi1h/s400/SpeakPOEMinvite.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="286" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This poem by Laurie Halse Anderson was created using actual letters sent to her by readers. The impact of the story on students is obviously positive and powerful. The literary and emotional significance far outweigh any negatives.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7pdUHcGFJZYXii4foI9KuPtH9yAaxnOjRpU6n-nAhlOz2Ps9W8W8Az3s-WOa9QoseNO9hdjU7zQOuFWUAO7YHG7BXkjqLG9I1GK54GResXIsf31qilat0w0BumtD0VqJoLi1h/s1600/SpeakPOEMinvite.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I understand Dr. Scroggin’s attempt to make this a better world by sheltering our children from things. However, this approach does not work with real children. It simply makes students incapable of handling the events of the world when they encounter them. Banning books and refraining from teaching students authentically only serves to harm the greater society. I know it is hard for him because he is trying to purify our culture. It is a fruitless endeavor in so far as you cannot mandate purity or innocence. Life is what it is. Educators act and react to society and prepare children and teens to live in that society as healthy adults. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">That is my perspective. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-45645316733037242552010-09-18T19:55:00.000-05:002010-09-18T19:55:52.168-05:00THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT<div style="text-align: justify;">Damn. I am so mad that I missed the big announcements made by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Thankfully, due to the intersection of tubes and whatnot, I am able to stream them at my convenience. The boys, who in my opinion provide the best news coverage anywhere (although I like Rachel Maddow, too), use comedy to tell it like it is and shoot us straight in the irrational ass.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">If you have not already, you should watch these videos: </div><ul><li><a href="http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-september-16-2010/rally-to-restore-sanity">Rally to Restore Sanity (The Daily Show)</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/359382/september-16-2010/march-to-keep-fear-alive?xrs=share_fb">March to Keep Fear Alive (The Colbert Report)</a></li>
</ul><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Here are some suggested rally signs/posters, thanks to Stewart:</div><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li>I disagree with you, but I'm pretty sure you're not Hitler.</li>
<li>9/11 was an outside job.</li>
<li>I am not afraid of Muslisms, Tea Partiers, socialists, immigrants, gun owners, gays.</li>
</ul><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
If you have ever called, labeled, implied, suggested or even mentioned Hitler in the same paragraph as a given political party or it's leader(s) then you are in need of rational thought. Not that you are a bad person. It's okay. Everyone freaks. As Stewart said: "take it down a notch."</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I've noticed liberals and conservatives linking to these videos (or news stories about these rally videos) all over Facebook and it gives me great comfort to know that there are people aplenty who desire rational thought above emotional and illogical hate-mongering.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">A little peace does the soul a lot of good, whether it's given by God or your own intelligent mind.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-3587698715177156012010-09-05T07:30:00.000-05:002010-09-05T07:30:42.315-05:00OPPOSING NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND: A THOUGHTFUL ARGUMENT<div style="text-align: justify;">Yong Zhao, Professor at Michigan State's College of Education, offers a thoughtful, respectful, well-crafted defense to the opposition toward No Child Left Behind. Anyone interested in America's educational system will find this engaging. Whether America agrees or not is left to be seen.</div><br />
<iframe frameborder="0" height="225" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/12664436?color=e0b928" width="400"></iframe><br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/12664436">No Child Left Behind and Global Competitiveness</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/nli">New Learning Institute</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-14636246990782432172010-08-29T18:36:00.001-05:002010-08-29T20:53:32.058-05:00IS GOD NECESSARY TO HAVE ETHICS AND MORALS?<div style="text-align: justify;">I have come to the conclusion that I do not need external motivation to seek good, try to do good, or to do my damndest to be good.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I recently read an article about the human need (or lack thereof) for God. The pro side of the article stated, in essence, that human beings – society if you will – needs God to give us parameters lest we fall into a place where we do not know right from wrong and commit unspeakable atrocities. It is God, the writers contended, that gives us right and wrong. That ethics and morality are owned by God and given to us by the grace of God. I have always accepted such views (in previous decades) because the alternative, I was <i><b>afraid</b></i>, would lead to my immediate and painful destruction. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Yet ... here I am happy, successful, content, and most importantly, flame retardant. I wasn't struck down by the almighty for not needing him to make me good.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The discussion, which I have enjoyed immensely, has been philosophized upon by persons much smarter than myself and hosts of articles, essays and books expound upon the spectrum of ideas. The whole thing reminds me of our constant discussion in education, i.e. student motivation and behavior modification.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Education philosophies are bubbling with how best to deal with students. Texts, movements and a host of professional development opportunities are aplenty. Do we offer external rewards to change student behavior and increase student motivation or should our efforts be focues on creating an internal locus of control for students so they study, work, and act appropriately because they want to not because we bribe them to do so? </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">It may seem an easy question to answer but I offer that the questions are the same for both ethics/morality and school behavior programs. To be consistent, one who believes that God is required in order to have ethical and moral behavior should also believe that students require external motivation (bribes or punishment) in order to have appropriate behaviors. The the contrary, if one believes that goodness can and does exist in spite of the existence of a higher power (or belief in said higher power) then one should also support an internal locus of control (that's fancy education lingo for self-motivation) in students. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I think I believe in the need and existence of both. That is to say, there are students (and humans) who will do good and be good and seek good for goodness's sake. They will study hard, listen closely, follow directions, and act appropriately because that is who they are. On the other hand, there are students who, despite your best efforts, richest rewards and deepest bribes, will poop in your eye. Most kids (and most adults) are somewhere in between. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I suppose that means that some people need God to tell them what to do, how to act, and what to think because they are incapable or unwilling to do so on their own. Perhaps, like my kindergartners, they find peace and comfort in the predictability and comfort that <i>knowing</i> offers them. That is not to say, of course, that someone who needs God or finds peace in prayer is immature or juvenile. Perhaps I should say that I think we are all juvenile and immature regardless of belief. You choose whichever makes more sense to you. Others do not need an external force to define right and good and beautiful for they feel comfortable with not having concrete answers for the big questions. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-8537613704866218882010-08-22T15:00:00.000-05:002010-08-22T15:00:56.408-05:00WHO NEEDS BAPTISM, ANYWAY?<div style="text-align: justify;">My daughter has been asking about baptism and our beliefs a lot lately. The baptism discussion spurred on by the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Are-You-There-God-Margaret/dp/0385739869/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1282504894&sr=8-1"><i>Are You There God, It's Me Margaret</i></a> by Judy Blume; our beliefs discussion came about because we have been visiting another church. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">At this age of child development it is normal for a child to adopt the same beliefs as the family. Kids require a foundation of what they believe as it gives them peace and helps them make sense of the world. Besides, if kids do not have a foundation they can understand (religion, science, or some hybrid) they risk being caught up in any old cult or crazy belief that comes along. However, my wife and I –– despite the implication that we are imposing our will on our daughter –– feel that our daughter needs to be exposed to varying perspectives on life and religion so she can create her own theological beliefs. As her parents, it is our job to help guide her toward good and rational and nondiscriminatory belief systems. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">We asked about baptism at our former church. Children must be in sixth grade and go through a class to prepare them for such a decision. Most choose baptism but some do not. I believe a class is important, even required, to help the children come to understand their decision. I think if a child is seriously asking they should be supplied the information and opportunity. I believe an arbitrary grade restraint serves only to push away an inquisitive child and is counter to most educational theories.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The real problem with baptism, in regards to our former church, is the credo that one must believe in order to be baptized. Here is the belief system that one must claim in order to be baptized in our former church, as quoted from the website forwarded to us by the current minister:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><blockquote>Baptism is a public act by which the church proclaims God’s grace, as revealed in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, through the use of a visible sign of God’s gracious initiative and the human individual’s response in faith. With other Christians we affirm that baptism is at once a divine gift and a human response.<br />
<br />
Baptism, as a gift of grace, received by faith, expresses its meaning in a variety of images: new birth; a washing with water; a cleansing from sin; a sign of God’s forgiving grace; the power of new life now and the pledge of life in the age to come. The meaning of baptism is grounded in God’s redemptive action in Christ, it incorporates the believer in the community in the body of Christ, and it anticipates life in the coming age when the powers of the old world will be overcome, and the purposes of God will triumph.</blockquote><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><ol style="text-align: justify;"><li>This credo forces one to believe that Jesus was the human form of God on Earth. This is something we simply do not believe.</li>
<li>It assumes that we are sinners, evil, and in need of constant redemption. We do not put upon our daughter any guilt theology. </li>
<li>This credo also requires a belief that God gives us some divine gift through a symbolic tradition. We do not believe that we got a job because God willed it, children with disabilities are born to sinful parents as a punishment from God, or that God opened up a parking space because I just prayed for it. (All of these are actual beliefs from actual persons I know directly.)</li>
</ol><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">We spoke to our daughter about this credo and what it means. Upon discovering what she had to believe in order to be baptized, she was much less enthusiastic. For goodness sakes, a 10-year-old scoffs at the idea of a virgin miraculously popping out a baby (let alone a God) and she laughs at the idea of a whale swallowing a man only to spit him up later. She is quite aware of the acidic digestive system and the fact that whales have comb teeth. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Some Christian churches may not actually believe these things either, but they do not actively discuss these issues for fear of losing people and money. They present these issues from time to time, but they are introduced as subtext. Southern Baptism minister Clayton Sullivan wrote about the division between orthodox Christianity and the post-Enlightenment Christian scholarship in his book "Rescuing Jesus from the Christians":</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><blockquote><div style="text-align: justify;">"Two groups, however, are negatively affected by the conflict between post-Enlightenment scholarship and entrenched orthodox Christianity. One group negatively affect are members of the clergy who received their theological training at seminaries where they were exposed to contemporary biblical scholarship (the kind of scholarship encountered at schools like Emory University in Atlanta and the Harvard Divinity School in Cambridge). Before attending seminaries they innocently assumed there was an obvious or normative Christian gospel. But after acquiring a seminary education, they ponder the question: What is the gospel? Discombobulated, they spend their entire professional lives in a quandry. They slip and slide when expounding the kingdom of God to their parishioners. In this regard they resemble pigs dancing on ice. While preaching on race relationships, they circumvent Jesus' opinion that Gentiles are dogs. While preaching about Jesus dying on the cross as a sacrifice for mankind's sins, they inwardly grope for an atonement theory that would make sense out of what they proclaim. Their mouths and minds are not connected. Unsure of what the gospel is, these pastors employ gospel substitutes." </div></blockquote><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am not interested in going to a church that is too fearful of simply presenting other scholarly and religious ideas or paths to God. I want to speak about these ideas openly and discuss them and leave open the opportunity for multiple beliefs by different people. I want a more courageous and open community that will offer the congregation the seminary experience. I do not want subtext or hidden messages. I do not want to be forced to believe that Jesus is a God, nor am I willing to force my family to undergo guilt theology just to be baptized, even if that guilty theology is only presented during baptism. No one in our home believes in the inherent evilness or sinfulness of humans. We make good choice and we make bad choices and we live our lives in an attempt to do more good that harm and learn from our mistakes. Sin is fine for those who want it, but guilt theology (even in minute amounts) is not for us. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">So I guess she's decided that baptism is not for her. Or at least that is what she indicated this morning. She is 10, so that might change, but I suspect it won't. We will continue our religious education by learning about many different belief systems and continue to support goodness over all things and love as a foundation for those good beliefs and works. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-26317939069423866612010-07-04T23:03:00.000-05:002010-07-04T23:03:25.637-05:00DECORUM<div style="text-align: justify;">For the record, I do not care for filibusters on Supreme Court nominees. I find it unfortunate that the Dems opened up this can of proverbial worms. We would be better without it. I wonder if the Repubs can every let it go and put it all behind us?</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-70580007092529099992010-07-04T22:56:00.000-05:002010-07-04T22:56:16.449-05:00THE WOOL MAKES YOUR EYES ITCH<div style="text-align: justify;">A friend recently told me, "I'm wary of people who think they have all the right answers." This morning we flipped channels and found a religious program. We stopped to watch the train wreck. The program invited people to submit questions by Internet. The men would read the questions on air and then answer them using the Bible. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">To one person they commented that it does not matter what you think or believe. The only thing that matters is what the Bible literally states. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">I suspect two different people could hear that statement and come to very different conclusions. Refer to the first quote in order to infer what my response was. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-41829935452957615362010-06-29T11:26:00.000-05:002010-06-29T11:26:04.012-05:00GONE THE SHACKLES OF YOUR GOD<div style="text-align: justify;">I left my church.<br />
<br />
I am going to attempt to explain the journey that has brought me to this place. However, I offer my thoughts to those who choose to read –– not as an persuasive essay meant to convert or as a document whose merits are up for debate. This is my personal story and I invite all persons to share in my experience so as to illustrate such journeys to those who may or may not be familiar with paths.<br />
<br />
Months ago I left my church and my family chose to come with me. <br />
<br />
The church did nothing wrong, changed nothing. The congregation did not anger or damage me and I, as far as I know, did them no wrong either. I have journeyed to a place where I could no longer pray and worship as I have in the past. To do so further would constitute a fraud on the church, the friends, society, my family and myself. I chose not to live a dishonest existence and I refuse to fool myself any longer. <br />
<br />
I have never been able to pray in earnest in the same ways others do it. It has felt contrived and unnatural to me from the beginning despite my attempts to find it an authentic experience. When I was a child, I went with my grandmother to her Church of Christ church. During the many prayer times there the men flowed from the pew, kneeling and crying and amen-ing while a man lead them in a talk with God, as only men can truly do. I kept my head bowed, but my eyes always crept under my brow for a glimpse of those men. I observed them and wondered: “What are they doing and why are they doing it?” I still have the same questions. The difference between then and now is that I am no longer forced to keep my head bowed and I can look around at those prayer-kneelers square on and ask the question openly. <br />
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In only one short period of my life has prayer ever felt self-compulsory. I took a religious notion during my late tweens and early teens. Not because God gave me peace, answers or understanding. I was scared of sin, mostly of masturbation and sexual feelings, which I was told lead me on a hell-bound train of suffering and disappointment. I could hear the whistle blow in my heart and head and I lived in circular pattern of feelings > thoughts > guilt > clemency > redemption and then back to those pesky feelings of sin again. <br />
<br />
Women’s breasts were sinful satchels of gyrating trickery meant to lead me to an eternity of weeping, wailing and teeth-gnashing. To give in to my own right-handed desires was a thing of evil. Natural thoughts of sexuality were a disappointment to God. Questioning our beliefs led to Satanism and death. <br />
<br />
I prayed, my friends, many times daily to make it all go away. It did not. I started each prayer with an eloquent beginning letting God know how awesome he was and ended each prayer with “in Jesus’ name”. It still did not. Nothing worked. The cycle continued until I could stand the constant feelings of inadequacy and remorse no longer.<br />
<br />
I think the more it did not work and the more I questioned the more traditional I became in my beliefs, as if I was the problem and my beliefs were just not powerful or hungry enough. The more evangelical I became the more it did not work. <br />
<br />
In my late teens I gave up the practice of prayer. I felt compelled to go to church, if for no other reason but for my parents and other adults (and perhaps myself) charged with my raising to continue thinking I was a good Christian boy. And so I smoked and drank and screwed around a bit, but I could not shake the guilt of it, especially the sexual activity. <br />
<br />
Come college, I was done with church, but I still held onto many of my church-going ideals. I think I somehow thought that no matter what I did, if I still said I believed in the old time religion I would be okay. At the same time, I was exploring with some different views of religion, although they were all within the Christian realm. I was too scared of hell to venture too far or to openly ask too many questions. I kept myself tied to my dogma. <br />
<br />
As is pretty consistent with many American homes, it was my wife that pushed me towards finding a church. We were married and she sought out that connection to God for us and for our future daughter. The funny thing is that I wanted a church much like what I grew up with. I find that unbelievably perplexing, as I hated everything my Baptist church taught me. However, I was still fearful and that fear drove my decisions. Even if I didn’t really buy into it, if I went and pretended, then all would work out in the end. I suspect this is the case for most Christians. The wife talked me into looking at other churches, some which might have other beliefs. I went along and we found a church that fit my changing viewpoints and even influenced some beliefs, to which I am grateful. It took a while. I did my duty for many years –– contributing to the church, tithing, volunteering. Prayer was out because it’s never worked for me. <br />
<br />
Despite my church duty, there has been a nagging all these years, a voice of reason that has questioned everything since I asked my Baptist preacher why it was so sinful for us teens to go to the school dance. To which he retorted with the sinful gyration bit. That boy who knew then that Brother Bud was wrong about women’s bodies being intrinsically sinful has been clamoring at me for years, but I feared that voice too much –– too much. What would happen if that boy was right? What would I have then?<br />
<br />
Turns out, nothing happens. For years now I have not prayed and yet I continue to be blessed, to use a Christian term. I don’t think God blesses me any more than I think he blesses the greedy, corrupt, corporate moguls or the atheists. Somehow, God-fearing or not, people continue to reap rewards in this life. It has nothing to do with the Christianity or God, although it makes followers feel better. I don’t begrudge anyone their good feelings. <br />
<br />
The squabbles between a one-cup communion or mini-cups, unleavened bread versus hot dog buns, church on Sunday or Saturday, one being or a trinity, or what constitutes appropriate dress at church is now lost on me. In fact, many of those arguments have wounded me and have kept plenty of folks out of the pew. I have a friend whose church requires members and frequent attendees to wear a jacket and tie. Members who cannot afford it will be supplied one. For those like me who have an inner questioner, we receive the message –– usually unintended but sent all the same –– that we are not holy enough, good enough, righteous enough to hear their version of God. The arguments that divide religions and denominations are nothing but man-created dogma and actually have nothing to do with God. I have to fix myself to be accepted into their church fold. Some require you to be one of their own to take communion. Others reject if you are divorced or gay or are pregnant and unmarried. The message is all the same regardless of the circumstance and the wounds caused by it are deep and damaging. The atrocities and discrimination committed in the name of one God or another have devastated me profoundly. It’s all done because of fear of man’s misguided understanding of God.<br />
<br />
I am no longer fearful. I do not believe that fear should be the foundation of any religious belief; however, I know that fear is the fuel for most Americans even if they refuse to acknowledge it as I have done for years. I have chosen to rid myself of the shackles of the traditional view of the Christian God in search of a better spiritual quest. <br />
<br />
I am down with Jesus. He was a great leader and reformer. I dig his teachings, as I understand them. But I can no longer accept the perfection of a book most of which was written more than 100 years after Jesus’ death. A human was not really swallowed up by a whale and spat out later; a woman did not spontaneously conceive. All of humanity was not spawned from two humans who had boys as offspring. Such stories predate Jesus by millennia or more; they are simply old stories retold and repackaged for a different people. <br />
<br />
We have such stories because humans looked at the world around them and tried to explain it. A Native American tribe in California did not have science to rely upon when they tried to explain earthquakes. They could only explain such occurrences through their own experiences thus they conceived a great catfish under the earth caused the tremors. A real understanding of the world –– science –– did not come along until thousands of years later. There is no way the framers of the bible could explain life in any other way but through mythological stories. Mythology and oral stories are humanity’s traditions, but they are not reality. <br />
<br />
So many of us have questions about whales and conception and lineage, but we are unable to release the dogma for fear. I have a friend who, when provided with biblical evidence contrary to his belief he said simply: “I cannot believe that because then I would have to change other beliefs.” I get it. I understand that fear-based retort all too well and have clung to such dogma the majority of my life. It’s scary to change your beliefs. <br />
<br />
Interestingly enough, once I stripped my life of religious dogma, I found myself free of fear and able to look at religion and spirituality in a much broader and deeper way. I am able to make observations and discover my own truth based on experience, research, and even science. <br />
<br />
While many religious persons claim to have the answers and know the one true path, I have only one certainty: I do not have the answers and neither do you. I do not believe there is one path to spirituality or a connection to a higher power. I am amazingly content to not know the answers, and to continue to search for my own path toward goodness, beauty and truth. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-10614589215483540512010-06-28T17:20:00.000-05:002010-06-28T17:25:03.686-05:00THOUGHTS ON PRAYERFellow blogger, Ian, has some thoughts about prayer that I find coherent and well played. I've had the same thoughts recently, but I see no reason to say it when he's done such a good job.<br /><br />http://ianmcgibboney.blogspot.com/2010/06/prayers-return-to-sender.html<br /><br /><br />- Posted from my iPad using BlogPress (for now)<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-57259972997273312272010-05-23T20:44:00.002-05:002010-05-23T21:06:33.914-05:00SCHOOL, RELIGION AND GANGS<div style="height: 0px;">x</div><div style="height: 0px;">x</div>Rights and freedoms are skanky political fodder these days. So many are fighting for their rights over the rights of others, and there are no easy answers when rights conflict. One school district suspended a student for wearing rosary beads. <a href="http://www.fox23news.com/s/aa-5ZmElVEiD-CrtlZt_Fw.cspx">Mother meets with school adminstrators</a>.<br />
<br />
My thoughts are as follows:<br />
<br />
1. Students should have the right to dye their hair, pierce their eye brows and wear a religious symbol. <br />
2. Schools have a duty to protect students from gangs, drugs bullying.<br />
3. Students should not be able to use religion to disguise gang-related behavior.<br />
<br />
So the question really becomes "are rosary beads being used by gang members in schools to circumvent the schools's anti-gang measures?" I am a teacher, but not in a high school. This is not an issue in my school, but I have no information on the use of rosary beads by gang members. <br />
<br />
I do not believe we have enough information to make an informed decision. I did notice -- and this is significant -- that the student was allowed to wear the beads so long as he wore them under his shirt. Such a compromise would allow for a student to honor his family and still be in compliance with an anti-bully policy. He would not accept that compromise. I wonder why? The story never said. <br />
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<br />
Posted using <a href="http://sharethis.com/">ShareThis</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-80276163770370921822010-05-23T12:49:00.002-05:002010-05-23T12:50:54.088-05:00IT AIN'T OLIVE OILI submit to you, for your comedic pleasure, <a href="http://toptenlog.blogspot.com/2010/05/top-ten-british-petroleum-excuses.html">Jason's top ten list of BP oil excuses</a>.<br />
<br />
- Posted from my iPad using BlogPress (for now)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-67813671547520779472010-05-07T21:53:00.000-05:002010-05-07T21:57:45.211-05:00MY DOS ARE BARKING<br /><br /><center><a href='http://picasaweb.google.com/108126732530287218258/MyBlogPhotos#5468726764812773442'><img src='http://lh3.ggpht.com/_W_4MyIMHk-Y/S-TSBJ5WKEI/AAAAAAAAAlM/vA1V5WyO6EE/s288/iphone_photo.jpg' border='0' width='250' height='378' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />You know I am spent when I turned down the opportunity to see a comic book movie on opening night. I was supposed to meet one of my peeps, but I just couldn't do it -- my body is just too dang tired.<br /><br />I am excited to see IRON MAN 2, but that will just have to wait until I recover. <br /><br /><br />- Posted from my iPad using BlogPress (for now)<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-67433876219879229742010-05-06T20:23:00.002-05:002010-05-07T21:29:51.326-05:00JEWELRY FOR MOTHER'S DAY, OF COURSE<br /><br /><center><a href='http://picasaweb.google.com/108126732530287218258/MyBlogPhotos#5468720827051982018'><img src='http://lh5.ggpht.com/_W_4MyIMHk-Y/S-TMniA2vMI/AAAAAAAAAlE/E3gqTWCJlMs/s288/iphone_photo.jpg' border='0' width='300' height='300' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />What to do for Mother's Day? My daughter and I bought this <a href="http://jewelry.hsn.com/jay-king-purple-turquoise-and-mother-of-pearl-pendant-with-15-row-liquid-silver-necklace_p-5881600_xp.aspx?webm_id=0&web_id=5881600&sf=j&attr=17&ocm=j|17&prev=hp!17&ccm=j|17">necklace</a> for my wife. It's not really something she would buy for herself, but we really loved it. <br /><br />I still need to go shopping for my mother. It's hard to buy for someone who has so much. I don't pick jewelry for my mother. She has impeccable taste. <br /><br /><br />- Posted from my iPad using BlogPress (for now)<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-12956174931637834732010-05-02T21:24:00.000-05:002010-05-02T21:27:07.783-05:00CONSISTENT NAZI STANCEI was watching the news the other day about the immigration law protests. In the background I saw a man carrying a sign depicting the Arizona governor wearing a Nazi uniform with the SS on her sleeve. <br /><br />If you read my blog, you know how I feel about the Nazi rhetoric. While I'm not a fan of the law, I don't see a reason to call anyone Nazis. It is just nasty. <br /><br /><br />- Posted from my iPad using BlogPress (for now)<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-2717226190823306832010-04-29T19:43:00.001-05:002010-04-29T19:45:01.190-05:00A LOCAL DISCUSSION ABOUT RACEA local opinion piece in the News-Leader has spurred all kinds of trouble. <br /><br />http://www.news-leader.com/article/20100426/OPINIONS05/4260349/1006/OPINIONS/Snider++Americans+don+t+owe+slave+descendants+any+apologies<br /><br />Rhetorica has a lot of information about the issue. Not only did the patriotic writer (as he is billed) refer to African Americans as "colored youth," but the editor has taken heat for not being an editor. Rhetorica does a much better job than I would. <br /><br />http://rhetorica.net/<br /><br />- Posted from my iPad using BlogPress (for now)<br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-77082445392196989872010-04-29T18:42:00.001-05:002010-04-29T18:42:33.144-05:00THE WIFE WAS RIGHT: MO LOOKING TO PASS CRAZY IMMIGRATION LAWAs soon as the Arizona immigration law hit the news, Skinny Kitty commented that Missouri would jump on board. She was right, according to the News-Leader<br /><br />http://www.news-leader.com/article/20100429/BLOGS09/100429011/State-lawmaker-wants-Arizona-s-new-immigration-law-in-Missouri<br /><br />Fortunately, it won't likely pass this year, but you wait. They will try it again. <br /><br /><br />- Posted from my iPad using BlogPress (for now)<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-53775960240426794952010-04-28T19:29:00.001-05:002010-04-28T19:29:03.137-05:00FREE COMIC BOOK DAY THIS SATURDAY<br /><br /><center><a href='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/04/28/1550.jpg'><img src='http://blogpress.w18.net/photos/10/04/28/s_1550.jpg' border='0' width='300' height='358' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br />This Saturday is Free Comic Book Day. Take your kids.<br /><br /> <br />- Posted from my iPad using BlogPress (for now)<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-81896934805220563162010-04-28T19:03:00.000-05:002010-04-28T19:11:40.009-05:00A NAZI REVOLUTION (OF IGNORANCE)We are entirely too enamored with the "Nazi" label these days, if you ask me. It's reared its ugly head once again with the crazy Arizona immigration law. Make no mistake, this law is more about getting rid of brown skins (who are taking over as the majority) than it is about being here legally. <br /><br />As crazy as the law is, the folks who sponsored, wrote, lobbied, or voted for it are not Nazis. They may be a lot of things, but hey are not The SS. <br /><br />Enough of the Nazi talk, already.<br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-21497355672072176572010-04-27T21:34:00.000-05:002010-04-27T21:35:17.922-05:00SUCH A THING AS CARING TOO MUCHThis article sent to me by a Jack operative. <br /><br />http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/04/27/moms.quit.job.college.admissions/index.html?hpt=C2<br /><br />At first it seems that a Mom is great for giving up her fancy career for her kids. I'm not sure that it really benefits your kids when you quit your job to micromanage their child's high school and pre-college goings-on. <br /><br />Seems to me, if your kid cannot write his own college entrance exam then he's not ready for college. Helicopter mom! This Is hovering gone awry. <br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad<br /><br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980269.post-61068375596195997972010-04-27T21:25:00.000-05:002010-04-27T21:25:23.038-05:00GENDER BIAS LAWSUITWalmart is in trouble again, this time with a lawsuit against them for gender bias. Here's the stat I found interesting:<br /><br />70% of workforce are females<br />30% of management are women<br /><br />http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/04/26/walmart.suit/index.html?hpt=T1<br /><br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad<br /><br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0