“Those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to me now.” – The Bride, from Kill Bill 1
SPRINGFIELD – It was a blood bath today at the Oasis Inn and Convention Center as four females from the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (DiVAS) strutted in and out of the newly remodeled convention center, leaving behind blood, body parts, and life-long suffering from those unfortunate enough to have stood in their way.
“It was a bloody mess,” said one bystander who begged for anonymity for fear that the DiVAS would seek him out and karate chop him into oblivion.
Greene County Sheriff Jack Merrit, was reduced to tears, barely able to offer a report to the media. Blubbering, he stated: “I have never seen such devastation and destruction. I can’t believe that four women could do such damage. It was such horror … horror.” After which he flopped himself into a heap on the floor.
Women indeed. According to witnesses who cowered for their lives, the DiVAS consisted of one adult woman and three school-aged girls. The were followed by an entourage of wicked vixens who watched with glee as the four littered the floor with human remains.
Some of you may have missed this News-Leader article in Sunday’s paper. They buried it for fear that the DiVAS themselves would hunt them down and make the editors and reporters squeal like a pig. I was the lucky one. I was at the convention center, but had to take a big poop when the DiVAS made it’s appearance. I cracked the door and watched in horror as the four laid waste.
They are, as reported, a Deadly Viper Assassination Squad hell-bent on destruction. I happen to know them all and I do not fear their retribution. In fact, I sleep with the leader and she is a wild mountain cat in the sack. One other is her offspring and is as poisonous as the day is long. The other two live nearby and are apprentice to the head of their clan.
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In case you have not figured it out yet, my wife, daughter and two of the other girls in my girl’s karate class went to an open Karate tournament this weekend and did quite well. The other girls in the class came and cheered them on. It is so great to see do so well in such a competitive, male-dominated contact sport.
Kathy (the wife) – 3rd place in kata (forms) out of a group of 6 men and one other woman.
Sophie (the kid) – 4th place in kata (out of 7) and 4th place in sparring (fighting)
SPRINGFIELD – It was a blood bath today at the Oasis Inn and Convention Center as four females from the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (DiVAS) strutted in and out of the newly remodeled convention center, leaving behind blood, body parts, and life-long suffering from those unfortunate enough to have stood in their way.
“It was a bloody mess,” said one bystander who begged for anonymity for fear that the DiVAS would seek him out and karate chop him into oblivion.
Greene County Sheriff Jack Merrit, was reduced to tears, barely able to offer a report to the media. Blubbering, he stated: “I have never seen such devastation and destruction. I can’t believe that four women could do such damage. It was such horror … horror.” After which he flopped himself into a heap on the floor.
Women indeed. According to witnesses who cowered for their lives, the DiVAS consisted of one adult woman and three school-aged girls. The were followed by an entourage of wicked vixens who watched with glee as the four littered the floor with human remains.
Some of you may have missed this News-Leader article in Sunday’s paper. They buried it for fear that the DiVAS themselves would hunt them down and make the editors and reporters squeal like a pig. I was the lucky one. I was at the convention center, but had to take a big poop when the DiVAS made it’s appearance. I cracked the door and watched in horror as the four laid waste.
They are, as reported, a Deadly Viper Assassination Squad hell-bent on destruction. I happen to know them all and I do not fear their retribution. In fact, I sleep with the leader and she is a wild mountain cat in the sack. One other is her offspring and is as poisonous as the day is long. The other two live nearby and are apprentice to the head of their clan.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
In case you have not figured it out yet, my wife, daughter and two of the other girls in my girl’s karate class went to an open Karate tournament this weekend and did quite well. The other girls in the class came and cheered them on. It is so great to see do so well in such a competitive, male-dominated contact sport.
Kathy (the wife) – 3rd place in kata (forms) out of a group of 6 men and one other woman.
Sophie (the kid) – 4th place in kata (out of 7) and 4th place in sparring (fighting)
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4 comments:
Chris,
Congratulate the girls for me. It sounds like fun. Your story was great. I can tell that this is the article that you always wanted to write when you worked for the paper. You can thank me later for shaming you into starting your own blog.
Chris, perhaps you'll join Larry at todays-woman.net. Imagine, a biker sharing his poetry at a website with a woman's name. LOL
Ummmm, a big poop?
And, unlike Larry, I love Kill Bill!
Congrats to the Wife and girls.
I'm so lost. Do you have a map?
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