STILL KICKS BUTT, BUT NOT FOR KIDS

A few weeks back I posted my enthusiasm for the movie above. I am even more jazzed about it than every, especially after watching the R-rated trailer on YouTube. I was not enlightened enough at the time. Now I realize that this ain't a kids movie. Oh boy, it is not. 

So don't take your kids, nephews, or cousins unless you are okay with them hearing the c-word (for a ladies dainty parts) and the queen mother of all dirty words. It starts with an "F" in case you are a Polly-Anna. 

I am so getting the guys together to watch this at the theaters.

A WEEKEND AWAY

The child of mine was spirited away with the cousins toward Oklahoma, giving the wife and I a weekend to ourselves. It's been a long while since we had time together as a couple and I didn't know how much I missed and needed that time. 

We have enjoyed long romantic dinners, movies, some shopping and much needed talk. I hope we don't neglect ourselves for so long as I don't think that makes for good relationships. Although our relationship is strong, it is much more connected now that we had some time alone. 

THE HANGOVER and SEVERANCE were much required R-rated escapes. THE HANGOVER, in my opinion, is a true date movie, but then again I am a bit strange. SEVERANCE was a whoop and holler comedic slasher.

Not to neglect our artsy fartsy side, we also watched INSIDE DEEP THROAT – a documentary film about the pornographic movie from the 70s that profoundly changed the sexual attitudes.  I had no idea any X-rated movie had such an impact on society. Thousands of regular folks, who would never watch porn otherwise, flocked to movie theaters to see DEEP THROAT. The documentary is rated NC-17 and is certified fresh (82%) by Rotten Tomatoes.

GOOD GREEK MYTH TAKES A BACK SEAT TO ACTION SEQUENCES

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTING THIEF is book one of a very popular  series among tweens and teens. It's been on the NY Times Best Seller list for 130 weeks. Last summer I read it to my daughter and we both enjoyed it thoroughly. 

Percy, a 12-year-old discovers he is a demi-god, a child produced from the union between human and Greek god. Percy spends his time in trouble, battling dyslexia and ADHD, until he finds himself in a camp for demi-god kids. Eventually, he discovers he is the son of one of the big three, Poseidon. As the story unfolds, we discover Zeus' power – his lightning bolt – has been stolen and he believes Percy is responsible. The young protagonist, with two friends in tow, must find the bolt and return it to Zeus before the summer solstice. 

Percy runs into many mythological Greek creatures – Medusa, Ares (god of war), Hades, Persephone, the furies, and others. The connections to the 3,000 year old myths are exciting and adventurous, increasing a kid's interest in mythology and the heroes journey. 

Now the book has been dubbed a Harry Potter knock-off and the fact the movie was made by Chris Columbus only proliferates that stereotype. The characters have similarities:

• Both young boys
• Both go on an adventure with another boy and girl
• Both go to a place to be trained with others like them
• Both battle creatures
• Both go on heroic journeys

The truth is, our heroic journey stories, called the monomyth, is grounded in Greek literature. In fact our modern super hero stories are rooted in those 3,000 year old myths. What author Rick Riordan does is revamp the Greek myth for a contemporary audience, giving kids a reason to read and study the cradle of Western literature.

Choosing Columbus to direct the PERCY movie was a ghastly decision. It did nothing but draw more connections between HARRY and PERCY. On top of that, he took a solid story and hacked the character development out of it, aged the characters by 5 years, melted away the mystery of the narrative by revealing all the secrets in the first few minutes, and changed significant plot elements for no significant reason.

He left us with a movie that cared about nothing but action sequences, utilized shabbily-designed CGI, and washackneyed. It won't please the audience much (unless they are nothing but shallow trolls, or young and forgiving tweens) and it will anger fans. What's the point?

The theft was not of Zeus' bolt, but of Columbus' treachery of dissolving all the interesting and important details from the story. Do yourself a favor: read the books and skip the movie. If you must see the movie, accept what it is before going in. Just enjoy the action and leave it at that. It doesn't completely suck. It's just that ... it could have been great with a little bit of planning and love of the source material. It's obvious Columbus doesn't care a thing about PERCY. 

THE BELL TOLLS FOR YOU, ZOMBIE

While the daughter was playing at a friend's house, no doubt gaming, Skinny Kitty and I watched ZOMBIELAND on Blu-Ray. This is one that I've been anticipating for months now. It was on very long wait on my Netflix queue. 

It did not disappoint, which is consistent with Rotten Tomatoes' certification: 89% Fresh. It was juicy with gore-a-plenty and heaps of humor to boot. I've been a fan of Woody Harrelson ever since NATURAL BORN KILLERS a movie that was heavy with political and social commentary – one that was beyond its time. 

ZOMBIELAND is nothing like NBK. Not at all. It's more in line with SHAUN OF THE DEAD (91% Fresh) or SLITHER (85% Fresh), both movies that I highly recommend for those who love hysterical monster/zombie flicks.

I CAN'T FLY, BUT I CAN KICK YOUR ASS

I was jetting through Apple's movie trailer page when I saw the poster above. What the …? I had to click. It just looked like fun. What I found was a fun teen comic fanboy movie. The title alone, KICK-ASS, is enough to make me want to see it, just like SNAKES ON A PLANE. The trailer sealed the deal. 

From the website:

A twisted, funny, high-octane adventure, director Matthew Vaughn brings KICK-ASS to the big screen. KICK-ASS tells the story of average teenager Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson), a comic-book fanboy who decides to take his obsession as inspiration to become a real-life superhero. As any good superhero would, he chooses a new name — Kick-Ass — assembles a suit and mask to wear, and gets to work fighting crime. There’s only one problem standing in his way: Kick-Ass has absolutely no superpowers. His life is forever changed as he inspires a subculture of copy cats, meets up with a pair of crazed vigilantes — including an 11-year-old sword-wielding dynamo, Hit Girl (Chloë Moretz) and her father, Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) — and forges a friendship with another fledgling superhero, Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse). But thanks to the scheming of a local mob boss Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong), that new alliance will be put to the test.

I'm thinking this one requires a trip to the theaters with friends. You really must watch the trailers.

LUNAR-ACY IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

While the kid was outside playing, Skinny Kitty and I watched a film, a real film with acting, a strong story, and new ideas. MOON is the story of Sam who is the only workman on a lunar outpost. He oversees the harvesting of Helium 3, which is used as an alternative fuel on Earth.

The job requires a three-year stint and considering his only companion is a computer and his only connection is through videos swapped back and forth, the job is quite lonely. As Sam's contract draws nigh the long journey takes its toll. And things, well, they just get a bit nuts.

"I can't say much more," said my comic book guy who recommended the film to me. I pass that same advice on to you. I will say that they experience – if you enjoy great acting and a solid story – is worth every second.

This guy only gave the movie a B+, but I think he's off. He's off in more ways than one. I can say that because we've known one another for years. He could say the same of me. It's better than a B+. simply because of the acting let alone the script. Don't expect a laser gun fights, aliens, or big explosions. This is a low budget, high quality film that is suspenseful, slower paced, sad and unique.

I'd really like to see it nominated for an Oscar for acting and script. Not that it necessarily deserves to win best actor, but I think the performance is worth the nod.

Highly Recommended

AND NOW A RANT ABOUT THE GOLDEN GLOBES

It is a travesty of monumental proportions when a recycled storyline (DANCES WITH WOLVES and FERN GULLY) is infused with CGI (righteous, incredible, eye-popping CGI though it was), then given the best picture of the year over more original scripts with rich acting. 

Make no mistake. I liked AVATAR. I thought it was cool and you can read my review here.  Best Special Effects I can see. Best Picture? Judas Priest! If that happens at the Oscars I'm going to eat my pinky toe.

I'm also a tad errped that Robert Downey Jr. won Best Performance in a Comedy or Musical for SHERLOCK HOLMES. The whole Holmes thing bugs me because of the pumped up, washboard stomach of Sherlock. That ain't the character, people. He ain't no kung fu stud. He's a brain.

Don't get me started on the fact that a romantic comedy won best screen play.

However ... GLEE absolutely should have won Best Television Series–Comedy or Musical. That is a clever show.

IT IS AN OUTRAGE

Skinny Kitty and I just finished watching OUTRAGE, the documentary about closeted gay politicians who actively and aggressively vote against the rights of homosexuals. Certified Fresh by Rotten Tomatoes, the documentarian delves into the reasons and causes behind the anti-gay movement and the closeting of gay politicans and the self-hatred that invariably comes with the territory ... until the politician comes out, that is.

I had no idea that Barney Frank was gay. I was glad to see one openly gay Republican. Who knew that so many Washington staffers (Republican and Democrat) were gay? It upsets me a great deal when Americans fight to impede the rights of others: gays, people of color, women, religious groups, nonreligious groups, persons with disabilities, etc. I especially despise it when we use God to prevent their equal access. I simply do not have the words to describe my indignation when persons in those minority groups are the perpetrators.

Highly Recommended

THE TWO GEEKS

I am raising a good girl. She is a nice mix of girl and geek: girlygeekchic. She loves pink and blue and sports and The Lord of the Rings. That last one required a bit of coaxing, but once we sat down she was hooked.

It all started earlier this week as she and I were home because of the snow. We watched the Rankin/Bass classic, The Hobbit animated film – one of my childhood favorites. Then I convinced her to try The Fellowship of the Ring. It was a hard sell as her mother uses that film to tease me so the kid was skeptical. Once I turned it on, she got into it. She's a geek at heart and loves those fantasy stories. I paused often to make sure she understood (she did most of the time) and to fill in gaps.

I nearly hit the floor when she asked – repeatedly – to watch The Two Towers. They are long movies for an elementary aged student, but she kept in there. We watched the first half of the extended version then took a break. I can't wait to give her the rest as it really kicks into gear.

She is raised well and will go far in this world where geeks are taking over.

FIX VS FILL

I've had my fix of sci-fi over the holidays. Skinny Kitty, on the other hand, has had her fill of the genre. She's quite pleased that our Netflix queue has no more aliens, robots, space ships, or electrical doohickeys.

I think she might have liked 9 (not the new musical, but the Tim Burton flick) a lot more if we had not already watched TERMINATOR: SALVATION, DISTRICT 9 and AVATAR. We also watched HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE. You and I know POTTER isn't sci-fi, but Skinny Kitty lumps science fiction and fantasy into the same boat. She doesn't care for either one too much and she certainly does not like a marathon gizmos and gadgets.

In my defense, we have also watched a documentary (which I also enjoy), two kid-friendly romantic comedies (17 AGAIN and FOUR CHRISTMASES), and a kid's movie (HANNAH MONTANA). We have another comedy sitting on the shelf. I think it was a fair trade, thankee sai.

PRAWN TEMPURA

I highly recommend DISTRICT 9 if you 1) enjoy sci-fi, 2) like a documentary-style movie, 3) are looking for something different than the traditional alien fare. It has a 90% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoe. Perhaps the ending could have been better, as suggested by more than one critic, but for me DISTRICT 9 worked well and entertained. My wife found the ending sad, which I think says something when she connects to the outwardly disgusting child prawn.

We will see what happens when DISTRICT 10 hits screens, and I am assuming it will. One things for sure, oftentimes our humanitarian acts do nothing but make things worse. That was the point, right?

MOVIES TO RENT BEFORE THE OSCARS

CNN offers a list of the best and worst in filmaking in 2009. How Ninja Assassin did not make the list astounds me (not really even though I loved it).

Movies on the list that I've either seen or were already on my Netflix queue are (in no particular order):

• Inglorious Basterds
• Ponyo
• Coraline
• The Headless Woman
• The Hurt Locker
• Fantastic Mr. Fox

I agreed with the writer that the Star Trek reboot and Where The Wild Things Are were wicked-cool. I really don't care about the worst of 2009. If you do (and it's fine if you do) then you can click over to the story and read for yourself.

IRON MAN AND WAR MACHINE

Comics books, technology, blowin' stuff up, crazy laser whips, AC/DC soundtrack in the trailer: How much cooler can IRON MAN 2 get?  And the movie has that guy from SNAKES ON A PLANE and PULP FICTION.

Looks like someone is out for revenge and we should see plenty of crap get blown sky high, and smart alack remarks. Hopefully, our star won't get too cool for his own iron skin.

Iron Man 2 Trailer

ON THE RENTAL SHELF

I have every intention of watching a boatload of movies this week. I am managing a movie a day and hope that trend continues.

ALREADY WATCHED

Four Christmases

This didn't get great reviews, but I liked it. Typical Christmas comedy with some drama and character change at the end. It was fun nonetheless and some of the quotes were hysterical.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I've been looking forward to this one since it came out. So much praise for this installment of the series. I was surprised at the pace of the story. It was unusually slow going for a Potter film. It took it's time developing the characters and the plot, not rushing things. I liked that. I was surprised the daughter stuck with it. I stopped often and explained things to her like back story and horcruxes. That helped her a lot. It's been a long time since I read the book, and my memory may be faulty, but I remember a huge battle scene in the end between the students and the Death Eaters at Hogwarts. Am I mistaken or did the movie leave that out? Didn't kids die in that battle? Anyway, I enjoyed it a good deal.

CURRENTLY AT HOME (THANKS TO NETFLIX)

9

I love Tim Burton and cannot wait for this gem to hit the mailbox. I should get it tomorrow.

Terminator: Salvation

Big fan of sci-fi. The wife ... not so much. I'm going to watch this one while the wife and daughter are out shopping and doing girly things. The second in the series was the best for me, followed closely by the first one. I wasn't too impressed with the third one. Who knows what this one will turn out like.

District 9

This is the big dog for me. I wanted so badly to see this in the theaters but never got the chance. I have heard so many good things about this sci-fi flick.

WISH IT WOULD COME

Inglorious Basterds

I've had Quentin Tarantino's WWII film on my Netflix queue since the movie hit screens, but it has a very long wait on it. Dang. Double dang. I am salivating at this one as I am a huge fan of Tarantino. I consider him to be the greatest filmmaker of my generation.

Cloudy with a Change of Meatballs

Oh why not? The kid will love it. I want to see what they are going to do with it. So interesting, this one is.

A THOUGHT ABOUT AVATAR

The wife, 'rents, kids, cousins and siblings all traversed the Branson strip on Christmas day to see James Cameron's AVATAR in 3D. I'm not a fan of 3D and really wanted to see it in 2D, but everyone else was jazzed about the glasses. So I did it anyway, thinking it would give me the headache of a lifetime.

Skinny Kitty gave me three ibuprofen before going in. She's good like that, always carrying the right things in that suitcase-like purse of hers. Here are a few thoughts:

• Obvious Oscar winner for best special effects, hands down. Dang!
• 3D was the most righteous 3D I've ever witnessed. Didn't bother me at all. Nadda. 
• The 2:45 run time went by like greased lightning. 
• Cross between FERN GULLY and DANCING WITH WOLVES

It's a habit of ours to see a movie after ripping into presents. We look forward to it, planning the best move, time and screen to see it. Sometimes we take kids and sometimes we do not. We've seen all three LORD OF THE RINGS movies on the Imax, which was wicked cool.

Avatar was worth it, and despite my general disgust for 3D, I recommend the glasses. The kind we had were wide so as to fit over my glasses. Much appreci-o for that one. Made the experience much better.

HAVING LOW EXPECTATIONS CAN WORK OUT

G.I. JOE did not suck. For me, that's a glorious statement for several reasons: 1) Tthis was one of my favorite cartoons as a kid. I had the toys (still have some of them) and I played the wheels off them. I relished the war element of the soldiers defending our country. 2) I like mindless action flicks. 3) Snake Eyes was so cool.

The trailers killed any interest in seeing the movie in the theaters. I knew better than to waste good money on it. The review simply secured my belief that the movie was flotsam. As it turned out, that low expectation worked out well for me. Knowing full well it had a 30-some percent rating at Rotten Tomatoes I was prepared for a horrible script and worthless action. What I got was a bad script with decent action. Some of the action was too long and pointless, the characters cardboard cutouts, stupid disability stereotypes (i.e. people with facial scaring always turn out evil and hate the world), and a poorly thought-out script. The good side was that it exceeded my tanking expectation enough that the movie did not suck ... too much.

So I enjoyed it, even if it was a goofy movie. It did occur to me that the current generation might see this movie as I saw PREDATOR. I look back and see quite a bit of stupidity there, but it is a movie that appeals to my childhood fantasies. It had that cool rotary 50 caliber Gatling gun. Perhaps G.I. JOE is the same?

So I watched it. Don't hold that against me. I didn't spend much money on it (thank you Netflix) and I didn't drag my wife and daughter to it. I waited until they had something to do before watching it. I might be inclined to give it 3 stars for entertaining me throughout most of the movie; the ending was too long. Script might get 1 star – maybe 2. It could have been worse. I could have watched  TWILIGHT or some damn romance movie with Hugh Grant. 

SIX MENTAL ILLNESSES MYTHS THAT HOLLYWOOD LOVES

Hollywood is not known for its accurate portrayals of historical, scientific, religious or psychological events or conditions. Can I get an amen? The movie machine can sure butcher a good book. Cracked.com has noticed this revelation as it applies to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM IV-R) which deals with mental disorders.

For you psychie types out there, you might enjoy reading about the load of BS that Hollywood continues to propagate all for its convenient plot lines. 

WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS

The daughter had a friend come over this afternoon so Skinny Kitty and I used that time to fit in a grown-up movie. We love the Pixar cartoons, but we miss Mommy-Daddy date night movies, too.

I DOUBT I could have watched a better movie on a Sunday. Meryl Streep and Phillip Seymor Hoffman were f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c. I love the tension between the "did or or didn't he?" dilemma. You never really know for sure and the movie sparks so many questions.

DOUBT is a top notch drama that addresses the issue of institutional and religious molestation from a much different angle. It is calm, pointed fair and unsettling. There is no graphic imagery of any kind. It's all suspicion which is what creates the tension.

Worthy of its Oscar nods.

WEAKNESS BEGETS BLOOD

A friend and I went out yesterday, not to fight the shoppers, but to watch a movie: NINJA ASSASSIN. When I took him home his wife commented that we were so keyed up that we were shouting as we told her about it. Shouting. It was so loud and violent that we were shouting when we simply retold the plot.

That's becauase it was it was the most hyper-violent blood ballet to date. I'm talking copious amounts of limb lobbing, decapitations, gut slices, blood spurting, skin lacerating flick I've ever seen, and I've seen a ton of them. The music was loud (l.o.u.d) and it took my heart rate up several beats just being exposed. I don't mind admitting that I liked the feeling.

Blood.

Buckets of it.

It was a symphony of violence that is worth screaming about. A veritable veg-o-matic of human flesh. Written by some dude then rewritten by J. Michael Straczynski (comic creator extraordinaire) it was a ninja movie with a decent plot – not great but decent. There are a few holes – it is a ninja movie after all – but it provides its key demographic (males ages 15-35) plenty of what it is supposed to: death. 

The character development was surprisingly good for a film of this type. We saw, in fine detail, why the ninjas in this clan kill so willingly. They were young orphans who were kidnapped, brainwashed, and trained to be heartless killers. Period. As the "father" often said, "weakness begets blood" and he used that mantra to train his boys.

NINJA ASSASSIN is a ramped up speed ball of throwing star action. The blood gushed from the get-go and didn't let up until the end.

Our discussion afterward focused on the rating. Should this movie be rated R or NC-17. Heavy P was solid in his argument that it deserved a no children should ever be allowed. We both agreed that the 8-year-old boy that was watching it with his Dad should not have been there. But could a 16-year-old see it? How about a 15 year-old? 13?

We also talked about our society's hang-up on sex while we simultaneous have no problems with extreme violence. Watch THIS MOVIE IS NOT YET RATED for more information. I really enjoyed this film because it gave me exactly what I wanted it to: ninjas who kill. What else do you expect from a ninja movie?

Oh yeah, the ninja hero doesn't get the girl in the end. We liked that.

I don't recommend this film for children, women, or those with a low tolerance of violence. Those of us who are twisted enough will enjoy it immensely. I highly recommend seeing it in the theater and with a group of your closest male friends. It's a guys-night-out kinda movie.

BLACK BELT THEATER

When I was a kid my friend and I rented every single karate movie known to man. We loved them all, the good ones, the bad ones, even Gymkata and They Call Me Bruce. We were especially enamored with ninjas.

We acted those movies out, bought costumes, shopped for swords in catalogs, and trained in our own ninja dogo. We even bought ninja pajamas if you can believe that. I'm telling you, we loved the whole shebang.

Good or bad, I really don't care. I want to see Ninja Assassin … bad. The fact that J. Michael Straczynski (famed comic book writer) wrote the screen play makes it even better. Actually Straczynski came in six weeks before filming and rewrote the script because the Wachowski brothers (producers) were unhappy with the original script. Straczynski rewrote the whole thing in 53 hours.

The question is, can I con the wife to let me go out and watch it on Thanksgiving Day? Maybe the day after would be a better choice.