FLAT TIRE ON ICE-COVERED ROADS: LESSONS LEARNED

1. In extreme cold tires can lose their bead and run flat; check them often.
2. The ice is a hard, hurty, and downright slippery substance.
3. Tiny little scissor jacks don't do well on ice. (See number 2)
4. Unused donut spare tires lose air over time.
5. If all else fails, call AAA. (That's why you paid for it)
6. Tennis shoes are not the same as snow boots.

I am a big feller – plenty of Thicksulate to keep me warm – and I am manly enough to change my own tire. I noticed our car was not working well on the ice this morning (after we headed to church) so I pulled over and checked things over. The front passenger tire was flat and the left driver was low. Like the dad in A Christmas Story, I popped out and thought myself a NASCAR pit crew of one. I pulled out the rinky-dink scissor jack, donut tire then assessed the situation. It went something like this:

• Contemplated the slope (to the right) of the road
• Considered the solid sheet of ice
• Looked at the right passenger tire
• Remembered the freezing temperatures and the fact my car sits outside
• Daydreamed about bloody knuckles trying to pry loose frozen lugnuts, kicking the tire to get it off the mount, watching the scissor jack slip out and come crashing toward me.
  
• Called AAA roadside assistance

It's a good thing. The guy tried his lug wrench then switched to the pneumatic. I was right; the lug nuts were frozen. He had to use a rubber mallet to knock the tire loose. I was right about that, too. He tried to air up my flat spare, but it was so cold that his air nipple fell plumb off. So he jumped in his rig and took the donut to Git-In-Go to air it up.

I called the shop where I bought my tires and they held a spot open for me. I drove in and they got right to it, remounting both front tires. I did noticed that my feet were a bit – shall we say – cold. I was wearing my sneakers rather than snow boots. While they worked on the car the wife brought me dry socks and shoes and we headed straight to Pro Bass for these boots. They are warm, warm, warm and easy to put on. There's just no sense going without proper footwear (hats or gloves) when it is this cold. Had it happened on my way to work or to Branson I might have had frostbite.