My Granny Jewel

Granny Jewel holding my daughter, Sophie, on Granny's front porch.

My grandmother Jewel (Granny or Juju) has nearly come to the end of her life’s journey, and I am fearful that this is her last week. I do not care to remember her as she is now – sick and in bed, working to breathe – so before the end of her days, I am posting pictures of the beautiful woman I call “granny” here and on my personal site. You are welcome to click here and see more. These are a few of my favorites.

Granny and I pretend-smoking those candy cigarettes at Christmas.

Granny has a great sense of humor, a bit of an irreverent one, which is what makes her cool. She loves nothing more than sitting in public and pretending to smoke. She puffs away at her invisible fags, drawing deep and blowing smoke rings and whatnot. We were riding in the van once on our way to Oklahoma to see my sister and her family. Juju lights a nonexistent cig and smokes it, waving at the passers-by. No reason, just to pass the time. I’m sure the people in the other vehicles thought she was some crazy old coot.

One of her favorite pastimes is to sit on the porch and people-watch. She is a crack up to sit with because she will flat make fun of folks, making up stories and things about them. If she knows the dirt, why you bet she will tell you all about them and who they are sleeping with and what they are doing wrong. Oh, she’s a hoot. She’s a lot of fun to hang with.

She has the funniest sayings that she pulls out of nowhere: diabetes of the blow-hole, and hobble-gobbles and disconnected piece of sewer pipe. So funny and so unexpected, her timing is impeccable.

As a kid, one of the things I loved most about granny was her food. Juju can cook up a storm and try as they might, other people just cannot cook it the same. I don’t know what she did, but Granny makes the best oatties in the world. For the uninitiated, oatties is oatmeal with butter and sugar. She made it for me a lot as a kid and I loved it. I begged for Mom to make it the same way at home, and as good a cook as my Mom it wasn’t the same. Granny also cooks an old southern dish for me every Christmas: fresh side pork. It’s bacon that is not cured. She slices it thick, rolls it in spiced flour and fries it. You just cannot imagine how good it is. Oh, it’s heart block for sure, but tasty all the way.

Granny could sing. Well, I should say she would sing. Once in a while, as kids, we could get her to sing this old song and we would just howl. We got it on video once, with her playing her rolling pin as a guitar.

Don’t Momma and I’ll Be Good

My playmates they don’t like me
Cause I’m not kind and sweet
I make ugly faces
At the boys across the street
My Momma says that naughty
And I don’t know why she should
She makes me go to bed so I’ll be good.

Don’t momma and I’ll be good
Don’t momma and I’ll be good
I won’t tease the puppy
And I’ll not wool the cat
Don’t make me go to bed
And I’ll be good.

There’s more to the song, but that’s what we have documented. There’s also a line “I’ll not pull grandma’s whiskers or rub mustard in his hair. Don’t make me go to bed and I’ll be good”. The first time I heard it I was a wee pup and she was sitting in the chair on the farm knitting or crocheting or something and she just sang it to me. I loved it. I was amazed to me that an old grandma could be so funny. She also sang some song about two old ladies laying in the sand, each one a wishin’ that the other was a man. That’s a real song; I’ve heard it before. I don’t know about the other one.

Granny Jewel with husband, Lee Sanders

Granny is a pretty funny lady, a far cry from the person in the bed right now. She is known to make faces, wiggle her tail or flash a tea towel your way if you give her any sass. And she doesn’t take any sass, I tell you what. I love that about her.

(UPDATE: Grandma Jewel passed away peacefully in her sleep on Monday morning, June 9.)